We can all find speaking up in front of others challenging at times. We may feel small and quiet in a group of friends or colleagues and wish we could share our stories more easily. We may avoid sharing our awesome ideas in a work meeting, as we struggle to speak up. We may be tempted to not go for an interview or decline an invitation to give a talk or presentation because we know our voices will fail us.

If you can relate to any of these situations, you are not alone. Even the most outgoing and extroverted people find the first few times they give a presentation daunting and anxiety provoking. 

So what can we do about this unease around speaking up and feeling more confident? The most paired down, and simple answer is practice. Getting enough successes under our belts helps us feel more confident for the next time and we can begin to let our voices be heard clearly.

Unfortunately, if we jump in to a situation without some preparation, it can quickly become overwhelming and the experience can lead to extra anxiety. I remember as a child at school, I would often have an answer in class, but the fear of speaking up in front of the rest of the class was so big, so physical (sweaty palms, red face, heart thumping in my chest) that I would rarely even put my hand up. And on the occasion when I did manage to push through and be called upon to answer a question, my voice would be so small and quiet that the teacher would often ask me to say it again - which of course lengthened my time in the spotlight and I was less likely to try the next time.

The physical manifestations of nerves and anxiety are real and they can really get in the way of our voices. As we experience anxiety, our breath becomes faster and shallower, which makes our phrases shorter and faster. The shallow breathing makes it more difficult to be loud and the voice can shake and wobble. Our muscles become tighter (ready to run away - flight or fight response) which impacts the voice reducing its intonation and often raising the pitch. Tight mouth and jaw muscles also make it difficult to articulate clearly. This isn't helpful!!

Our nervous systems need to experience our voices at work with ease. We need to build up our tolerance of speaking in front of others, step by step, getting positive experiences of taking up space in a conversation or sharing a story with a group of friends. 

I have worked with the voice and its relationship to our breathing and nervous systems for over 20 years as a voice therapist (specialist speech and language therapist) helping individuals get to know their voices again after injury. I now use the same techniques and exercises to help others become more confident and comfortable with the sound of their own voices.

I worked with a lovely man recently who had always felt small and quiet in conversations and at work. It had been frustrating him for years that his voice was never loud enough to be heard in a meeting and he was therefore overlooked or ignored. His ideas were as good as the people with louder voices, but it was rare that he was listened to. Some of this breakdown in communication could have and should have been improved by more attentive colleagues, but he wanted to take some control back. We spent 6 sessions together gradually working with his breath support and his voice, keeping things easy just changing the power, or the resonance of the sound he was able to make. I helped him focus on how it felt in his body when his voice was grounded and more powerful, compared to when his posture was closed and his voice quieter. We were then able to replicate the feeling of confident, powerful voice in easy communication exchanges such as ordering a coffee or asking for something in a supermarket. Gradually he became adept at accessing this feeling of confidence when speaking and was starting to use it at work and in social situations.

"At the end I felt a bit discombobulated, in a good way, because while it is still the same me speaking, I can now find a voice that’s substantial and rich, sufficient to where I am. Goodness knows where this voice has been all this time. It’s given me the extra lift to carry the listener with me so that we can both feel more engaged with dialogue." James.

Get in touch if you would like a free chat about voice coaching for you, or if you feel your organisation would benefit from some training in reaching vocal potential.

helen@bevoiceconfident.com