Gaynor - my motivation for becoming a foster carer.

Gaynor and Stuart have been fostering with Caritas Care for nearly ten years together with their family. Gaynor has felt all her life that becoming a foster carer is something she is meant to do; it is a calling. Her motivation for fostering came mainly because her Mum was a foster child; however, fostering then was very different from fostering now. But changes come and go; more importantly, what stays the same is that family is not always about blood. For Gaynor and Stuart, family is about the people who come into their lives; regardless of how they arrived, they become family.

Gaynor believes that 'everything you think in life is important; it is always worth the wait.' This was true for Gaynor and Stuart to begin their fostering journey, they waited for the right time, and the right time came when they least expected it.

Foster care, for me, is a calling.

I feel that becoming a foster carer is a calling; it is something in life that you know you are always going to do. I also feel that there are similar personality traits in foster carers; these traits include compassion for others and kindness. I see these traits in the foster carers joining Caritas Care in my role as a mentor. Thus, these foster carers are kind and caring people who will make a difference in the lives of the children they will care for.

I had always dreamt of a home with a large family…

I had always dreamed of having a home with a large family; however, life didn't pan out as hoped. Mostly, this was because I had moved around a lot as a child; therefore, I wanted a large family home to give me and my family stability. My dream of having a large family stopped once we had our own two children, and, like most people, we worked hard to provide for our family. However,  I carried on nurturing the dreams of a house filled with children and family as a foster carer.

Finally, the break came. I had worked for over 25-years as a Medical Secretary in a local hospital; I heard the rumour there was a possibility of me being made redundant. Hence, redundancy provided the perfect opportunity for Stuart and me to begin our fostering career, and this is how our dream began.

Becoming foster carers has given me the dream I always wanted; it is the perfect family feeling that has made a difference in all our lives.

Our relationship together is normal for children, and the difference is good.

My husband Stuart is the practical one in our fostering partnership. There is a strong balance in our relationship; this balance positively impacts the children, including our birth children. I also see the vital skills that male foster carers offer to children because men think differently and act differently. For some children, especially those who have never had a positive male role model, it is a significant relationship that is unique to them. Equally important is that children understand that every relationship is different, yet we are all the same family.

We want the best for all our children, and this includes the best education. Hopefully, the children will move on to college or even University, but only if this is the right thing for them. We want the best for them because, ultimately, the children we care for are ours, and they are our responsibility. We love them equally; therefore, our love will give them the best.

Becoming a foster carer with Caritas Care.

When we looked into fostering initially, we looked around and spoke to people about fostering; they were keen to share their horror stories with us. Subsequently, we weren't sure where to go. However, fate intervened as we were shopping in the Deepdale shopping centre in Preston, and spoke to someone from Caritas Care. I thought this was a sign, so we arranged for a call from one of their team members.

We initially spoke with Caritas Care when my Dad was still alive. I cared for my Dad at home as he was unwell, and also, we were having the house done up. We knew after speaking with Caritas Care that the time wasn't right for us, so we put it on hold, ready to pick it up later. Sadly, my Dad passed away 6 months later. Again, we waited until we felt ready, and I called Caritas Care, who were terrific; they came to visit us at home and went through all the fostering information.  When the time came for us to go to the panel, we were dreaming about becoming foster carers; we were ready for it as a family. We were delighted to become approved foster carers with Caritas Care; now the journey would begin…

The decision we made was to provide respite care initially.

When we decided to foster, we opted for older children from the on-set and were approved for children aged 0-18. We offered respite care initially. Fostering is a scary thing to do initially, and you question everything. You ask yourselves, are we doing the right thing; however, you have to go with it and work it out because you have made a commitment, and you learn.

We became approved with Caritas Care; thus, almost straight after becoming approved, we were asked if we would have an emergency respite placement? I spoke with the Social worker, and she gave me the details and said I would have a chat with Stuart and get back to her in the next hour or so. When the young lady arrived, we got along immediately; subsequently, we continued to provide respite care for her for over two years. We took to her, and she took to us, it was that simple, and it worked well.

We also provided respite care for a little boy for over two weeks, and he was hard work, but the teenager was a breeze!

Respite care is very important for some children to build relationships with someone that they can rely on for small parts of their lives. The stability of respite care is for children to know what to expect and have consistent care with someone they know; more importantly, with someone who understands them too.

'Caritas Care work hard at matching the child with our family, and it is this matching that is vital to the child and our own family dynamics.'

Honesty is the best way to find your own perfect!

You have to be honest in the process of fostering because you are trying to find the perfect match for you and your family in caring for children. However, what is perfect? Perfect comes in all shapes and forms; however, changes to our lives will happen, and our vision of perfect will adapt with any changes.

When you start to foster, you realise how much your own life experiences will influence you. The travelling around I did as a child helped me understand children and how they feel with constant changes. You will not get on with all children; however, children do know straight away if you like them or not because children are very astute!

The pressures of the modern way of life for children.

We know that life today is different for children, and this difference is here for a reason. Our son in law is a great help as he is very IT savvy. The children have their iPad at home; however, the Wi-Fi is timed to go off after 7.00 pm. We also never have mobiles at the table whilst eating, and we make time for each other to chat together. The house rules help the children to understand the boundaries we live within, regardless of their age.

Caritas Care training on Social Media is fantastic. This training showed us a lot of what we didn't know about social media and how we let the children have a little bit of it; whilst gently explaining the pitfalls. This understanding will provide them with respect for Social media and the knowledge they can build upon themselves.

Foster care changes the dynamics of your own family.

When we became foster carers, our youngest son Cameron was only 7 years old, and he settled into it really well. Cameron appeared to work better with teenagers at the beginning of our fostering career, especially girls, as he has an older sister.

Cameron is older now. We find that he works better now with younger children, especially the two young girls we have with us on a long-term placement. He adores them, and they adore him.

We wanted to include our family in fostering whilst the children were younger because we knew it would shape them to become better people themselves. Our eldest daughter is now a teacher and is considering adopting a child in the future; this decision is based on her own fostering experiences as a family.

We are a very close family; we never leave the house without saying, I love you and it is the last words we say on every phone call to each other. We have now been living together in the family home throughout the pandemic. We never leave the house on an argument. We all understand that, yes, we can have cranky moods, but no matter what, we love each other.

Our house has teenagers in it, and yes, teenagers can be moody. Our eldest foster child is 11 years of age and starting High school soon, and her sister is nine; therefore, we respect that things will be different for them at every stage of their lives. However, we display our love for them unequivocally, regardless of what stage they are in.

Sarah and Mummy-G

Gaynor and Stuart had previously fostered Sarah when she was 14 years of age. Soon after Sarah moved in Gaynor suspected her hearing might be impaired. Gaynor said that she and Stuart had taken Sarah out for lunch, and Stuart said, 'have you noticed that if you sit at the side of Sarah and she can't see your lips move, she doesn't answer you?' Sarah was 14, and sadly, no one had spotted this before for her.

Sarah explains, 'Gaynor noticed that I had a health issue in my life that no one had ever noticed even as a baby. I had a hearing impairment that I had 'lost my hearing'. We 'gained it back', they sorted it out with me, and she didn't give up!'

'Gaynor was crying 'tears of joy when I first got my hearing aid'. 'This was because I could hear 'the birds singing for the first time.'

Sarah is now 23 years old and lives a few houses away from us in semi-independent living. She is studying Childcare at college. I helped Sarah get her benefits sorted to be financially stable, and she loves going to church and has close friends. We are delighted for Sarah; she is our family, and we see her every day. It is lovely to see her settled and content as an independent woman.

Our two girls have changed our lives for the better.

Three years ago we received a call from Caritas Care asking if we would consider long-term foster care of two girls to keep them together? We said yes immediately. The girls were 7 and 8 years of age when they came to us, and they arrived in a very fragile state.

The resilience the girls have shown has been extraordinary, and I truly believe these two girls were meant to come to us.

The girls have been with us for nearly 3 years now, and they are highly adored and loved; they are wonderful. We do not love them anymore or any less than the rest of the family. All our children are loved uniquely; they are our family, and our love for them will never stop, no matter how old they are.

Having new children placed with you is difficult, as one size does not fit all, and these girls had gone through another huge emotional ordeal; we knew we had to get this right for them. However, we have emerged with two girls who each have their own personalities, which we, as a family, have grown to understand and love. Cameron adores them; he looks after them very much like a big brother, and the girls have a family who adores them.

The family holidays we have together are unforgettable.

It is lovely to go away with our family for holidays. Two years ago we went over to Greece for our daughter's wedding, and our two girls were bridesmaids; they were beyond excited. They had never been on a plane before or travelled abroad, and they loved the whole experience, especially as we had our own villa. It was magical and an experience none of us will ever forget.

It is good for us to experience life differently. Our holidays allow us to do this; however, Stuart and I need time together. Therefore, when we have our breaks together, they stay with my daughter and her family. Stuart and I spend our weekend breaks without worrying because we know the girls are happy with their family.

Caritas Care and our fostering family.

I knew immediately after speaking with Caritas Care that they were the right fostering charity for us, and even though we waited, it was worth it. The support you have from Caritas Care is outstanding, and that support resonates throughout the charity. Caritas Care treats everyone equally, and they always include your birth children in everything they do. Cameron is getting older now; he's 16 and doesn't go to the children's activities as much as he used to. Caritas Care are great with Cameron; they always take the time to speak with him and make sure that he is happy. The team take time to get to know all the children, and no matter how old they are, they will always belong to the Caritas Care family. Cameron has his own viewpoint on foster care which he shared in his video…

Cameron on Fostering -

 'I was a bit nervous at first. I thought, 'I don't know if I'm going to have another sister or a brother. Also, I didn't know if they would be older or younger than me; but it's like all other families when you all love each other and are together. You may have your arguments, but it's about getting over them and still loving each other.'

'I treat foster children the same as I treat my sister. It's good for them to go to the After School club, stay at other people's houses, and make new friends. Sometimes they do that 'little thought thing' like 'why do we not have our real Mum and Dad?'

'I know that I am helping out someone else, but when I was younger, I didn't realise that. I just wanted my Mum and Dad to myself and didn't want to share them'. 'Now I know that it has developed me into a better person.'