Karen is a single foster carer with Caritas Care; she is caring for a 14 year old girl on a short term placement and is the #FacesofFostering for August 2021.

Karen's motivation to foster young people came from her work as a Youth worker in her community and her Christian faith. Karen knew from her work that many children and young people were teetering on the edge of either going into care or were in care.

More importantly, Karen knew the impact she would make in their lives if she gave them 1:1 consistent care and support as a foster carer.

Karen had thought about fostering for a long time; it was something that was always at the forefront of her mind. However, she realised that there was never going to be a right time for fostering, so she set off to find the agency that was right for her.

This path led her to Caritas Care, and Karen knew from the beginning that this was the right agency for her.

Life has thrown many challenges for Karen over the last year. However, no matter what challenges she has faced, Caritas Care has shown her compassion and support that has been outstanding and unwavering.

Karen's experiences in life through her work, personal life, and Christian faith enable her to see and understand the important things for young people. She understands the importance of family time for children to keep their sense of identity and belonging.

Karen knows that sometimes children struggle after seeing family; however, they must have consistent contact because it often comforts them. Comforting children and consistent care are important for young people, and this is why she is now considering getting a pet for her foster child in the future. (She wants a dog!)

Karen shares how her faith is important to her. It is a core part of who she is; but, she was concerned that her faith may make people wary of fostering with her? However, Karen knows that acknowledging each other's faith and spirituality is important. It helps others relate to who she is and see the self-identity of the children she cares for.

Karen lives with her foster child, a 14-year-old girl, and has shared the important fostering has taught her. Furthermore, the memories she makes with her foster child and those memories her foster child takes with her are equally as important.

Karen's experience of working and supporting young people means she understands life today for young people. She is very aware of the impact that Social Media plays in their lives, and subsequently, the importance of trust in their relationships together.

However, the one important thing that anyone fostering teenagers and young people, especially a teenage girl, is that you must have a sense of humour!

The path that led me to Caritas Care...

I was referred to Caritas Care after speaking with an agency within my church network called Home for Good.  I rang Caritas Care, and I knew they were the right agency as soon as I first spoke with them. I had other people who talked to me about going to my Local Authority, but there was talk about a lack of support with LA', and going with a For-Profit money-making agency was never an option for me either. It is confusing because if you don't know anyone who is a foster carer or has no guidance, you can easily make a big mistake.

I had wanted to foster for a long time; it was something that was always with me as part of my future. So, I spoke with people who listened to me; and understood what I wanted to do, and as a result, they recommended me to the best match. And it worked because Caritas Care was the right match for me. With Caritas Care, the support you get is fantastic. You are never alone; there is always someone there to support you whenever you need it.

I also applied to foster with Caritas Care in the middle of a pandemic, which brought many challenges. I found it hard to form relationships with people over zoom calls; it seemed unnatural, especially when you're nervous to start off with. So, when I met up with my Supervising Social Worker, it made a massive difference. As I got to know her, she got to know me; and the reality of what I was doing became real.

We formed a professional relationship together, and I also began to build relationships with everyone else at Caritas Care.

Caritas Care is a family, and everyone respects each other because of our mutual love for children and young people.

Another significant difference for me is that I can ring Caritas Care day or night; the person who picks up the phone knows who I am and my situation.

Being a single foster carer is a positive for me…

For some time, I held two thoughts about my future intension. I was pretty happy being single and had very little interest in finding a partner. But, I also wanted to foster, and I thought that might be easier with another half. 

However, when I thought about being a single foster carer, I realised how positive being single could be. This positive was particularly true for young people who may have had bad experiences with men and feel uncomfortable.

Children in my care will meet some great male role models amongst my friends, family, and Church family. However, living in a mainly man-free zone can help them feel more comfortable for some children and young people. 

Being a single foster carer can be challenging as there is no live-in backup. However, my friends and family have been great; they are always there to help with care, lifts, and including us on family days out and holidays. Also, they have even picked up the odd bit of home learning when I've needed to go into work during the lockdown!

The motivation for fostering came from my life's experiences.

I didn't know anyone who had fostered before, but fostering was always something I wanted to do. I continually always thought about it.

I worked as a Speech and Language therapist with children, and I loved my job, especially helping and supporting children. However, there was always a longing to become more involved in a child's life.

I am also a qualified Youth worker and have workedwithin a Pupil's Referral Unit. My work in the unit was often with young people who were either in care or borderline being placed into care.

As a youth worker, I had an insight into these children and young people; some of them had not had an easy start in life. I also know that these children are very hard to place with foster carers, but I knew the difference I could make if I gave them 1:1 consistent support and care.

I knew there was only so much I could do for children at work, but I could do so much more if I became a foster carer. Thus, this was my motivation to apply to foster.  

I had two spare bedrooms. After applying and being assessed, I was approved as a foster carer for 2 children with Caritas Care.

I am happy to foster siblings; however, my preference is to care for older siblings. I believe that keeping siblings together is a priority.

I am aware that there has to be a degree of flexibility with all children, and things often change. However, the one thing that will never change for me is the age range of children I will foster. For me, it will always be teenagers and young people.

My experience as a Youth worker and love for young people gives me confidence in my skills to help them. Also, I know taking teenagers on is a worry for many people. However, I know that it is often the last chance saloon for many older children and young people. Consequently, they need foster carers who recognise this and understand its importance for them.

The importance of family time for foster children…

I totally understand the importance of regular contact with birth families for foster children. My foster child has regular contact with her birth family at least every two weeks.

I  encourage family time because I know how important family time is for her and her family. I also make sure that additional contact is made when there are special occasions such as birthdays, but I know that there will be lows after this contact.

Understandably, she feels low. However, I am non-judgemental, and she knows I am there for her if she wants to talk. If she wants to spend time on her own and deal with it herself, that is okay because seeing family can mess with children's heads.

However, after a while, she settles and begins to find comfort from the family time because she knows she is still a part of the family. She keeps her sense of belonging with them, and even though they are apart, her self-identity as a part of her family remains.

Fostering and working is a good balance for us both.

I see myself fostering for a long time in my career. However, I will continue working and blending the two things together for as long as possible. It is hard balancing 2 part-time jobs and fostering; however, it is not impossible. When I am at work, it gives me a balance and a chance to focus on other things.

Naturally, my foster child takes priority; however, you have to take time for yourself and make yourself a priority too. At the moment, I am reducing my working hours to fit time for myself more. I now feel the balance I have with fostering and working with my foster child and me; it feels natural, and we merged together well.

Actually, we had no choice as recently we had to self-isolate together for two weeks after one of us had contact with someone positive with COVID. I'm thankful for Netflix and laptops because our self-isolation was more brutal than previous lockdowns.

My foster child had to miss school while her friends were still in. It's not that she loves school, but we were getting to the end of the term and breaking up for the summer; subsequently, she can't see some of her friends now until they go back in September.

Lockdown also plays havoc with family time, but that's nothing that can't be resolved with phone calls and WhatsApp. However, I have to say, she was wonderful. She didn't let it get her down; she was understanding, and we just got on with it, as always.

Foster children and pets are a good match.

My foster child would love me to have a pet, she wants a dog, and I don't have one, much to her disappointment. She would love a dog, and getting a pet is something I would consider for the future for her! I know the importance of pets for children; they are a source of love and affection for children and an excellent excuse for walking and jumping in puddles together.

My Christian faith is important to me.

My Christian faith is very important to me and a core part of who I am. I was initially concerned that this might make people wary of approving me as a foster carer. However, my faith shapes my belief that every individual is valuable and loved and full of potential; and that's a bit part of what motivates me to foster.

Through my youth work, I have seen young people find an extended family in the church. As soon as young people enter my church, they immediately gain four extra nanas who love them unconditionally. That sense of being part of a church community can be great for young people in giving them a sense of belonging. It's also great as a foster carer that I know I have this whole church family there praying for me and ready and willing to support me.

I have no expectation that a child in my care will share my beliefs, but they will always know that that's a conversation we can have. We currently have lots of discussions about different belief systems and different religions ways of praying. Children in my care will always know they are loved and valued no matter what they believe. However, while I work for a church and a Christian organisation, going to church will always be part of our routine.

I think that acknowledging faith and spirituality is important. It helps you relate to who you are and who your foster children are, and what's important to you and is an important part of people's sense of identity.

I will be sensitive in how I talk about my faith, but I won't try to hide it.  If you try and change for children and young people and try to be something you aren't, they will spot it a mile off. Giving children the opportunity to explore and talk about beliefs and discovering that's it okay to disagree about these things is an important skill for life.

What you learn from your foster child is important.

When I had my foster child first placed with me, it felt strange because we were alone in my home together. I worked as a Youth worker, and there would always be 2 workers together in the room at all times with the young person we cared for. So, being alone in the house with my foster child was a totally different vibe.

However, you do get used to a freer environment, which means we can fully share our lives together. Also, we are very laid back; we know there is always tomorrow, so we don't rush.

In my quest to take time out for myself, I have rediscovered my love of going for a walk, which is a love not shared by the young lady I care for. Again, we respect each other, and we understand each other and our likes and dislikes.

She wanted to join a gym, which is something I never thought I would do. However, when we did it, it was fun!

Also, we will go for walks together, occasionally, as she likes to go out and walk when it's dark and raining but not on a beautiful day when the sun shines!

The memories my foster child has from being with me is important.

Because my foster child is in a short-term placement, I have no idea how long she will be with me. This impacts me because I am aware of how I want her to remember me and, more importantly, what she takes away from the experience of being in my care.

I have told her that she will always be welcome with me; however, I have begun to help equip her with skills for independent living. We cook together, and I taught her the importance of bank accounts and keeping on top of her washing. These skills are important, but not as important as letting her know that she is still a child who will always be loved by me and always welcomed in my home.

Also, it is essential that she still retains fun from play. We play Uno together, and she plays in the park together with other children; I want her to have these memories of being herself, of having fun, and knowing that she matters. She is the priority, and it's not about me; whilst she is with me, she will always be the priority.

Social media, young people and the importance of staying safe online.

Ugh, Tik Tok – I hate it, and the security settings are really unhelpful. My foster child and I have a good relationship as far as social media is concerned. She will tell me if she has seen something funny; more importantly, she tells me if she has seen something controversial. She is very open to sharing, and she knows I monitor her phone, but she's good about that.

I have to check her phone, but she knows I am not policing her. She knows I check her phone because she knows I trust her; it is something that I must do to protect her.

She uses Snapchat a lot, and all of her friends are on it. However, if she sees something that is controversial, she will always ask me what I think? Like most teenage girls, social media is a part of their everyday world; however, she knows we can talk about anything.

All children are different and have their own unique skills and their own personalities. Equally, this is true of adults. I am a calm person; many people say that I can stay calm in a crisis; it is my strength.

I tend naturally to be calm, and I reflect this calmness in everything I do. This strength helps when young people get worried and begin to be afraid; I can calm them down and reassure them that we can sort everything out, it will always be okay.

Caritas Care and the importance of compassion.

I grew up with my Mum and Dad in Bolton. Sadly, just after I became approved as a foster career with Caritas Care, my Mum passed away. It was sudden, and my Mum and Dad were both my backup carers for fostering with my best friend.

My foster child had two households to be in whilst I was dealing with my loss. Thankfully, I had the best support from my best friend and her family, and my foster child had an extended family with her. My best friend is also a youth worker, so my foster child had two sets of ears to hear her, and even now, she still goes and hangs out at her house.

Caritas Care were terrific; they were fully supportive of me and initially offered me respite, but I didn't want that, and together, we coped. It was the trickiest time over Christmas, but we tried to keep things as normal as possible, and after lunch, my foster child spent the day hanging out with my friends family.

The support we received from Caritas was Outstanding, and it was always in our best interests. Caritas Care gave me resilience; they gave me back up and support because they genuinely cared. They constantly checked to see if there is anything they could do for me, which was important. It helped me enormously, and their compassion and genuine thoughtfulness were lovely.

Click here to read more about Karen’s fostering story…https://www.caritascare.org.uk/fostering/foster-carer-stories/

Click here to enquire about fostering with Caritas Care

Rated Outstanding by Ofsted.

Special thanks to Verve Recruitment for their support in helping us find more foster carer for more children.

ARTICLE 12

Karen, the

The most important thing you need when you foster teenagers is a sense of humour.

I have grown used to the rolling of eyes when she sees some of the outfits I wear. She asked me recently, 'what are you wearing? You look like a Llama!;' all because I had tassels on my top!

Having a sense of humour is important, especially with teenagers, and equally more so with teenage girls.

However, what is lovely is that she is entirely at ease with me and says what she thinks even though she does think I dress like a grandma!

I reflect on what I was like as a teenager; I was a bit of a goody-goody. However, like many other girls, I got a bit cocky when I was 14. I suppose part of the adolescent process is gaining a bit of an attitude; it is a rite of passage. This rite of passage helps me understand teenagers, even though my foster child thinks I am ancient.

I came to realise, there is never a right time to foster…

I came to realise that there was never going to be "a right time" to foster. If I waited until I had nothing else to do or no other priorities, I would have been waiting forever.

As it happened, life has chucked quite a lot at me over the last year, and we've just dealt with it. You never know what's around the corner, so I just had to pick a moment and commit. 

Fostering was something that I thought about more and more as I got older. As I began to share these thoughts with friends, they held me accountable and asked if I'd done anything about it yet.

I also came to a moment where I felt that my workplace were in a good place for me to be able to take a step back. I have a brilliant assistant team leader who has stepped up massively while I've been less able to commit time outside school hours. 

I love working with children and young people.

I love working with children and young people. One of my part-time jobs is leading the Eden team at my local church. Eden is an international movement that is part of the Message Trust that sees teams of youth and community workers moving into some of the most deprived neighbourhoods.

The model is one of doing life alongside people in genuine community and relationships, unlike some models of mission that can seem like swooping in to come to the rescue and swooping out again. We mainly work with 11-18-year-olds, and as long term workers, we get to journey with young people from the beginning of high school to become adults.

Living in the community has often meant being the door people knock-on in a crisis. This has given me lots of practice supporting young people who are having tough times and being part of what has inspired me to foster.

Sacrificing myself and being constantly available to people on this level helped me commit to being present for one young person was also one of the toughest parts of deciding to foster. But I know I have a wonderful youth work team around me who has picked up some of the things I can no longer commit to. They are great leaders who understand the value of fostering and understanding the commitment it takes.

The young people I work with were actually really excited when they heard I started fostering. They are keen to meet and befriend any foster children I have. For me, taking young people that I foster along to a youth group run by people I know and trust and have trained is great.

I passionately believe that every young person should feel valued and loved; equally important is that young people should realise their own value. 

Karen, Foster Carer