Kate and Graham became foster carers to Bethany when she was just five years old. From the start, they were told her needs were complex. She was non-verbal, functions developmentally at around nine months and requires round the clock care.

Doctors said Bethany would never walk.

“She didn’t walk until she was 12,” Kate says. “But we worked with her every day and believed she’s do it. She’s a little wobbly, but she can walk.”

For 13 years, Kate and Graham cared for Bethany as parents in every way that mattered – constant devoted care without breaks or shifts.

As Bethany approached adulthood, they had already begun thinking long-term. Supported Living had always been their plan.

“She was never going to live independently or get a job,” Graham explains. “She needs 24 hour care and we knew that ‘Staying Put’ wasn’t right for her.”

Graham’s own experience shaped their decision. He has watched his own mother care for his sister into old age without the right support and he wanted Bethany to have a different experience.

He said, “The older you get, the harder it becomes to make that change. For Bethany’s sake, we felt it was better to do it earlier.”

Because Bethany was under 18 when the transition began, Kate and Graham did not have parental responsibility. Decisions were made, with limited input from them. Bethany’s first Supported Living placement was extremely difficult.

Following this experience and determined to protect Bethany, Kate and Graham went to court and secured legal representation, ensuring decisions about Bethany’s future and where she lived could not be made without their involvement.

“That changed everything,” Kate says. “For the first time, we were treated like her parents.”

Eventually Kate contacted Caritas Care.

“I rang out of the blue. At first there was nothing available. Then I rang again and they said, ‘We might have something.’ If felt like a God moment.”

From the outset, Caritas Care worked in partnership with Kath and Graham, listening carefully to what they knew about Bethany.

“They said, ‘You tell us how you’ve looked after Bethany and we’ll do our best to do the same.’” Graham recalls. “That meant everything.”

Bethany’s care moved to NHS Continuing Healthcare (CHC), ensuring her needs were fully recognised; this was a significant turning point and the impact was immediate.

“She has a routine again,” says Kate. “Routine is everything for Bethany. She knows what’s coming next and that makes her calm and happy.”

She has formed strong attachments with staff, who advocate for her and push for the stimulation and support she needs. One member of staff, Kate says, is “almost like a sister”.

Bethany is now doing things her family once thought impossible. She attends activities, goes shopping and visits Church every week, where is warmly welcomed.

“They’ve even learned how to brush her hair properly, something I never managed to do. She has beautiful hair,” Kate smiles.

“Her confidence has grown. She is more relaxed, more patient and more engaged with the world around her. 

“She’s living her best life,” says Graham. “And she’s doing more that we could ever have done on our own.”

 A new chapter for the whole family

For Kate and Graham, Supported Living has brought relief alongside complex emotions.

“I feel guilty for feeling relieved,” Graham admits. “But I also know I couldn’t physically care for her forever.”

Now, they can focus on simply being her parents.

“We get the best bits,” Kate says. “We visit, she comes home, we have parties, we laugh. I leave happy because I know she’s being loved and cared for exactly the same when I’m not there.”

Kate and Graham are honest about how difficult the decision was, but they are clear it was the right one.

“You can’t look after your child forever,” Kate says. “As painful as that is. But that doesn’t mean you’re stepping away, it means allowing others to care for them too.”

Their advice to other families is simple, “Do your research. Speak to other parents, Find a provider who sees you as family. That’s why we chose Caritas Care’s Supported Living Service.”